no matter where I start from.
I wrote another thing in seminary. They gave me a paper that started out asking, "what's the worst thing you can imagine Christ saying to you?":
The worst thing I can imagine christ say to me is that he doesn't know me. I thought that even before I read matthew 7:21-23. It would be devastating because in the back of my mind I have always believed and hoped that there is at least one person in the universe who knows me and actually understands me.
Nicolaitan: Church members who maintain their church standing while still living in the world.
I'm pretty sure I'm guilty of this, except I wish they would be more specific about what living in the world actually means, so I know if I'm doing it!! Am I supposed to stop listening to anything but church music which is hollow and flat when sometimes hard rock is the only think that quenches my need for expressing my anger toward the world?! It doesn't even have to be hard rock. Just something with some PASSION like Tori Amos. I'm listening to church music in seminary as I write this. It doesn't do a thing for me. And I've figured it out. The reason most mormon music is so hollow, and only a select few songs have anything that touches me, is because real music is written in pain, or joy from someone who was once in pain and is free of it now. I'm not saying there can't be happy music, but you can only be as happy as you've been sad, and as a general rule, mormons aren't quite as sad as the rest of the world. Now, I know this is a sickeningly huge generalization, but do you see what I'm thinking? Maybe that's an irrational connection, but remember, I am only 16. My logic centers haven't milianated yet. So where was I? Oh yeah. Mormon music blows because the people writing it don't know anything about pain or the joy of finally being free of it, so they have no feelings strong enough to inspire their genius, and the result is that their music is flat. You may notice that I'm speaking of the mormons as "they" and "them". But I'm not excluding myself from this. If I tried to write music it would probably suck too. I even have musical gifts and it would still suck. Now think about the best, most meaningful music you've ever written. You were going through something hard right? My point exactly.
Now back to my original question: What the poo do they mean, "living in the world" when they're talking to a bunch of mormons who don't smoke, drink, or have sex with everyone, which in my mind is what that phrase means? All I can think of is media. Oh Ok. So this means shun media that comes from anywhere but the mormon community! Easy! I can do that! Oh wait I forgot one thing. I HATE mormon media. Nothing has ever been so lame as the puke spewing forth from the mormon community that we call "mormon media". There is no way this is what they mean. So, I suppose they mean that the Nicolaitans are the ones in the church who don't love going to church, who aren't religious when nobody's looking, who don't smile when the get a calling, who hesitate when they fill out their tithing settlement, who don't hold on to the church and defend it till the death.
The one's who don't love the church in their hearts. Love the church? Love what about the church? The young women's program? Sacrament meeting talks? Home teachers buggin you every month?
I know this isn't what they mean. Unfortunately, some probably think this is exactly what they mean, because they never stopped and wondered if there might be a slight difference between the church and the gospel.
Holy monkey that is ironic. The ones who hold to the church like its christ itself are being the Nicolaitans. They are keeping their standing with the church while living in the world because their hearts are not in christ. You're not supposed to love church, you're supposed to love Christ. We might all be surprised who Christ says, "I never knew you" too.
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