absorption

I am absorbing so many things right now that I just need a place to keep it all straight:

Hope is the opposite of anxiety. At least for me. We always talk about hope in church and stuff, but no one realizes what a cool and important thing it is. Especially in my fam fam. For me, Hope translates directly into happiness. It's the thing that I live on. Sometimes I think, "If I could just get some HOPE right now I would be totally fine doing the crap I have to do."

Pride (another word for insecurity) absolutely makes every situation 100% more un-solveable. If the whole world was humble (another word for self-confident), you wouldn't believe the problems that WOULDN'T be going on. We're always told to be humble in church, but I don't think anyone actually understands how to BE humble. I've heard some fights/conversations lately that absolutely BLOW MY MIND! I can NOT believe how blatantly prideful certain people are. I sit there and think, "If you, YOU, RIGHT THERE, would just huuummmmbbblllleeee yourself....... don't you understand that if you humbled down a bit right now you could save this from being a screaming session? Or you could keep your spouse from silently resenting something about you, that you don't even know about, that they thought they forgave, until one day all hell brakes loose?! It's amazing to me the things people didn't learn while growing up. One of the most important things I am going to look for in a husband is humility. I just want a humble guy. Some time my passion for hating pride gets out of hand and I actually say something out loud. I hope I'm not making people resent me.

I don't know why, but sometimes I'm the biggest jerk you ever knew. I think it has to do with my lack of patience. Also my hyper focus thing that I do. Especially during movies. I've decided that I am absolutely the worst person to watch a movie with (other than..... dad) because I get so involved in the movie that if you talk I'm ready to slit your throat! Other than movies and books though, my hyper focus thing is kinda nice. If I decide to focus on something, I can do it better than anyone. Like the bop it game. I WILL beat you at bop it. I beat the game easily. I will beat you at guitar hero. I also WILL beat you at a hula hoop contest.